I think my dream this morning pretty well summed up what’s going on in my mind since I’m going back to work tomorrow and taking Lark to the most germ infested place possible – daycare during a swine flu pandemic.  This wasn’t exactly a dream that flowed very well and I only remember bits and pieces.  But I was going to Lark’s daycare and for some reason I had to take a train, but it wasn’t the train I normally took, so I remember thinking I was never going to get to the daycare on this other train but I got on anyway and somehow I did get to the daycare.  The next thing I remember is I’m in the infant room which is a 4 x 4 room painted in blue with no windows, one daycare worker handling 8 kids.  She’s sitting in vomit on this really dirty blue carpeting and holding one child, the other babies all have gross runny noses and have swine flu (the daycare worker had swine flu too).  And then somehow I’m out of the room talking to the middle-aged guy who runs the daycare who is holding a bottle of my breast milk but it doesn’t have the typical nipple end, it has a sippy cup top because Lark wasn’t taking the bottle with a nipple.  And he then decides to drink my breast milk in front of me and I asked him a question which I can’t remember and his response was “Oh, I’m okay, I had 7 ounces of this milk and I usually can’t drink that much.” Yup… this is how my brain works.

So if you had a hard time gathering from that what’s really going on in my brain, here’s the skinny:  I’m absolutely dreading having Lark start daycare in the middle of the swine flu pandemic and I’m a little terrified she’s going to catch it.  Lark’s having trouble taking bottles, although she did take one for her sitter last Saturday, but she’s not taking them from Martin, so I’m worried she’s going to starve while at daycare.  And I’m a little nervous about going back to work in general.  It’s almost like the first day of school nervous.

Luckily, Martin’s pretty good at keeping me grounded and sane.  So today I’m going to savor my last day of freedom with Lark, avoid the news except my staples of People & US Magazines, and think positively about what the daycare experience will do for Lark in the long run.

Since Lark started out life in the NICU, her doctor told us to keep her mainly indoors away from the general public until she was 2 months old to prevent her from catching anything else.  She’s now 2 months and 2 weeks, so we celebrated by taking her out into the world this afternoon to run a few errands.  Among the many new things she saw was some art at a framing shop and art gallery and lots of plants and trees at Cactus & Tropicals.  She had a grand time.  And I have to say it feels fantastic being able to take her out of the house – we can now do things together as a family in the outside world.  Yay!!!  Tomorrow, she’s going on her first trip to the grocery store and on Monday I’m taking her with me to the salon.

Also new, we’re starting to relax a little bit.  Lark’s currently sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed and when she went to bed, we went to bed because we were too nervous to leave her alone.  Now we’ve hooked up our baby monitors and when Lark goes to bed, we don’t necessarily go to bed.  But I still check on her regularly.  Before we know it, she’ll be in her own bed in her room.  Hmmm… or not.  I really like having her next to our bed and it’s so easy when she wakes up just to grab her, feed her and then put her right back down to sleep, not to mention the ease in checking that she’s still breathing.  I often check to make sure everyone in the house is breathing while they sleep of which Martin likes to tease me.  I say you can never be too careful .  Anyway, unfortunately we all must progress, so I’ll let Lark sleep in her crib… eventually.

Lark also had her first round of immunizations this past week.  She’s almost 13 lbs (12 lbs 14 oz to be exact) and measures 23 inches.  Martin had to be the strong face while I hid myself during the shots because I couldn’t stop myself from crying knowing what her reaction to the shots was going to be.  There’s nothing worse than hearing your baby scream in pain.  But she was a super trooper.  She screamed for several minutes, and then after we got her dressed and held her for a bit, she calmed down and was happy again.  The next day she did come down with a mild fever which we were warned could happen.  She’s all better now and the day after her fever, she was happy as a… dare I say… Lark. Badda bum ching.

Perhaps the cutest development this past week was her gift of gab.  Granted, she’s not really talking yet… but she’s talking baby talk which consists of a lot of little chirps, squeaks, squeals, and ooos and aahs.  She’s already figured out that you take turns talking to the person you’re conversing with.  She’ll say something, then I’ll respond to her, and then she responds back… she never tries to talk over me or interrupt (I know, just wait until she’s a teenager).  And she’s very passionate in trying to get her point across.  She gets this look on her face that says “you’re not getting what I’m trying to tell you, so I’m going to keep talking until you get it.” And then when she thinks you understand, she gets really smiley.  It’s quite darling.

On April 13th Charlie, the best hound dog in the world, turned thirteen!  We’ve been through a lot together in the past thirteen years. I don’t know what I would have done without him.  He’s seen me through the best of times and the worst of times.  Recently we turned his world topsy turvy with the birth of our daughter which included a minor hunger strike and him peeing on our bed.  But he’s adjusted extremely well and I think he now thinks of her as one of the family.  Hopefully that’ll continue once she starts getting more grabby. We love you Charlie!!!

Heeeeeeere's Charlie!

10. Staying Alive -  The Saturday Night Fever sequel is no where near the quality of the original.  It reeks.  And yet, I’ve seen it more than a few times.  The plot is terrible.  It follows a self-indulgent Tony Manero’s quest to become a professional dancer on Broadway since that’s the natural progression from disco dancing at the club.  The key to getting on broadway is to have sex with the lead female dancer who then suggests to her director that you should have a part in his show.  Then when her co-star sucks during rehearsals, you approach the director to audition for his part and voila, you’re in a Broadway show. Oh what luck!  And we’re supposed to feel good that Tony gets back at “the man” in the end by breaking script and dancing his own moves during opening night, despite the fact that he’s been a complete ass to his ever faithful girlfriend during the entire movie.  Granted this was the early 80s and film in general was less enlightened toward women.  So why have I seen this movie so many times?  Honestly, it’s the dancing, the leotards, and the headbands.

9. Love Story - I want to puke every time I watch this movie, yet it’s not a completely unpleasant feeling.  I always gag after the heavily quoted line of “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”  Ya, right!  Whoever wrote that must be divorced by now because love means having to say you’re sorry more than you would normally because you give a damn about the other person’s feelings.  That aside, it’s a movie classic with terrible incredibly sappy dialog and plot which makes it quite fun to watch if only to mock it.  And I’m sentimental about the theme song since my Mom used to play it on the piano all the time as I grew up. Shout out to Henry Mancini.

8. Because I Said So - This movie tried to cash in on Diane Keaton’s renewed industry “hotness” after Something’s Gotta Give.  Bluck.  It’s about an overbearing mother who interferes with her daughters’ lives, particularly her youngest played by Mandy Moore. So get this… she’s so desperate for her daughter to marry that SHE places a personal ad for her daughter on some website after “accidentally” coming across a few porn sites that she can’t get out of (and later we see her visiting those same porn sites just for fun).  So what makes this movie so bad, yet good?  It’s how annoying Diane Keaton’s character is in a poorly written movie.  If my mother ever behaved the way this woman does, I’d move and never tell her where I live. Yet I get the feeling that the intent is for Keaton’s character to be likable.  Failed!    

7. Simply Irresistible - Terrible, terrible movie that relies on the audience to suspend disbelief beyond disbelief.  This one was trying to cash in on the popularity of Like Water For Chocolate.  Denied!  Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a cook in her dead Mother’s restaurant who can’t cook until she buys – wait for it – a magic crab.  Poof!  She’s the most fantastic cook ever! She runs into a guy who manages a department store whose girlfriend trashes all of the restaurant’s dishes, so he offers to replace them.  They fall in love.  Or is he just in love with her food? And does she really have a magic crab or is she just a witch?  Hmmm. Questions questions.  What makes me laugh is the insanely delicious food in question are standard looking eclairs that you can find at any old grocery store.  Nothing about them makes my mouth water.  And towards the end, Sarah Michelle Gellar is cooking for the opening night of a restaurant and somehow her emotions are getting into the food making the entire restaurant laugh and cry.  Whatever.  You know I had a magic crab once.  His name was Bernie.  I ate him with a lovely bernaise sauce and a nice chianti.

6. The Stepford Wives (2004) - What makes this remake so entertaining are the many holes in the plot.  The original ended with all the wives being killed and replaced by robots.  The remake starts off with the same concept as the original where the women are robots and it gives the impression they are murdered.  In order to give the movie a happy ending, the women are no longer robots, but have microchips implanted into their brains to make them behave as the men would like them to.  Yet, it’s never explained how this microchip allows for a woman to become an ATM, literally; for her to burn her hand without physical evidence of the burn; and how she can overheat with steam coming out of her body and after square dancing.  Make it a game and see how many plot points don’t make any sense.  Weeeee!

5. The Hotel New Hampshire - I haven’t read the book, but I am a fan of John Irving and I understand he can find comedy in truly dark moments.  I loved World According to Garp, A Prayer For Owen Meany, and The Cider House Rules, etc.  But I have a hard time thinking this movie was what he had in mind when he wrote The Hotel New Hampshire.  It was made into a comedy romp with rape and incest thrown in with the expectation that the audience will take these parts of the movie seriously.  It has a decent cast including Jody Foster, Rob Lowe, Beau Bridges, etc., so it’s difficult to know if what feels like terrible acting is a result of bad directing, a terrible script, or truly bad acting (you can’t be fabulous all the time).  

4. Basic Instinct - Horrible, terrible dialogue.  I will never be able to watch this movie in the same way again after seeing my Dad do his version of the “leg crossing” scene during a charades type of game.  Hysterical!  

3. Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls - I sincerely admire Roger Ebert for trying his hand at writing a movie. What I love about this one, is that the movie goes in one direction for 3/4 of the movie, following an all girl band in the 60s and their shenanigans.  Suddenly towards the end it turns into a horror movie with decapitations and dead band mates.  To quote Bill and Ted, “Excellent”!!!! 

2. Showgirls - Poor Elizabeth Berkeley.  You try to make an “adult” movie and look what happens – death to your career.  I’ll admit, I was a fan of Saved By The Bell, so when this came out, I was very curious as to exactly how naughty could it be.  Laughably naughty!  Bad acting, bad dialogue, even bad sex scenes, but I love the dancing, I love the cattiness amongst the dancers, and I love Gina Gershon’s character, and I love Las Vegas.

1. The Color of Night - This stars Bruce Willis, Jane March, and Ruben Blades.  It came out about the time I finished my bachelor’s degree in Psychology, so the material is right up my alley.  The premise is a psychotherapist loses his ability to see the color red because his patient commits suicide by throwing herself out of the window of his high-rise office and he was traumatized by all the blood on the ground.  Apparently, high-rises have very flimsy glass.  And it’s truly amazing that the shrink could even see the blood on the ground being he’s on the 50th floor.  He must have hawk vision and they forgot to mention it.  The psychological problems portrayed in this film are so ridiculous and unbelievable that it makes the movie fun to watch. It’s another movie with terrible dialogue.  Oddly, I looked up the writer and director of this movie, and they are credible filmmakers and have good movies behind their belts.  What happened to this project, one has to wonder.  My favorite part is during a sex scene between Bruce Willis and Jane March.  The director thought it would be uber artsy to shoot through a piece of desk art and after a romp in a swimming pool cut to a couple of hang gliders flying around in the sky while dramatic sex music plays in the background.  What the $%&*?  It’s a fun film to mock and to watch repeatedly.  Highly recommended, my number one.

I’m a movie geek.  I watch a ton of movies all the time.  I can list off several actors ‘and actresses’ resumes by heart (well, not their ENTIRE resumes).  I have a very small but growing collection of action figures from my favorite movies like my Dr. Frankenfurter action figure AND rubber duck.  Yes, I own a rubber duck that looks like Dr. Frankenfurter – y’all are jealous you don’t have one, admit it!  I also love my Pulp Fiction Lego People I keep on my desk at work.  They came with guns that you can put in their little Lego hands, but I don’t display those since that’s probably inappropriate for the workplace.  I really like that the Vincent Lego (the one without blood on his suit) could double as John Taylor from Duran Duran (who knew they would look so similar in Lego-form?).  When are they going to come out with Duran Duran Lego people?  Methinks I need to write to someone’s suggestion box.  I also have an action figure of The Bride from Kill Bill from the scene where she’s fighting Elle Driver.  She’s bloody, holding her samurai sword in one hand and Elle’s eyeball in another.  Classic!  It’s in our office so I’ll have to find a more appropriate place for it once Lark’s old enough to figure out what it is.  I can picture it now, “Mommy.  Why does that woman have an eyeball in her hand?”  

Perhaps the geekiest thing I do with movies is once I find a movie I really really like, I have to see it a billion times.  I’m not sure why.  Perhaps it’s an addiction.  And the movies never get old.  The very first movie I watched a billion times was when I was very young and VCRs were new and there was a war between Beta and VHS.  I  was probably around 8 years old.  It was Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band starring George Burns, Paul Nicholas, Frank Howerd, and wait for it… The Bee Gees.  I absolutely loved that movie and watched it over and over and over and over again on the trusty VHS – the first version where the tapes were huge.  It was an easy movie to memorize since the only dialogue belonged to George Burns between songs.  

A few years ago I watched it again to see if it had the same appeal.  When I was young, I thought it was a truly great movie. What wasn’t there to love?  You had The Bee Gees, Beatles songs, Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, a girl named Strawberry and a guy named Mr Mustard.  What kid doesn’t like characters named after food?  As an adult, I find it a “so bad it’s good” movie.  There are movies that are so bad, you can’t help but love watching them, marveling at their badness.  So although I have a different appreciation for the movie, I still like it, but I rarely watch it.

Another movie I’ve seen a billion times is, surprise, The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I’ve only seen it a few times at the theater, but a million times at home.  In fact, I was one of the stupid people who paid the full asking price of $80+ when it was first released on video.  Now you can find it for $15 on DVD.  Who knew?  I must have thought it was going to be like a Disney movie where they release it for a limited time and if you don’t own it by the deadline, you’re screwed.  

I remember the very first time I ever saw Tim Curry as Dr. Frankenfurter.  It was love at first sight.  I was 5.  I was watching Sneak Previews with Siskel & Ebert and they were reviewing the movie and discussing how it had become a midnight sensation.  Then there he was singing Sweet Transvestite in all his sexy lingerie’d mighty bad self.  He had me at (throw water at camera) “Well you got caught with a flat well, how ’bout that?”  It was a combination of his makeup, his voice, and that he was wearing women’s underwear that fascinated me.  You don’t see guys like this every day when you’re in kindergarten. I attribute my penchant for drag queens to this moment in my history.  I had that image in the back of my mind for years.  Through MTV, I saw videos and clips from the movie and it excited me. The possibilities!  I had to see this movie!  

The opportunity finally presented itself when I was either 16 or 17 at an old theater called The Blue Mouse.  I’m not sure, but I think I took my 13 (or 14) year old brother with me.  I took him at some point, I just can’t remember if it was the first time I went.  The movie was all I dreamed of and more.  

Through the years I acquired lots of memorabilia.  I bought the soundtrack. Okay, I didn’t only buy the soundtrack, but also the soundtrack that included audience participation, Rocky Horror CD specials including obscure material from Tim Curry and other members of the cast.  I bought the Roxy theater soundtrack.  I still have the “Lips” poster around here somewhere. I saw the sequel Shock Treatment since I just had to know what happened to Brad and Janet after they got married, but sadly, I’ve only seen that movie twice. 

There are probably hundreds of movies I’ve seen multiple times.  One only has to see the size of our DVD collection to believe it.  As an adult, there’s only one set of movies that are approaching Sgt. Pepper & Rocky Horror status.  Kill Bill Volumes 1 & 2.  I can’t get enough of those films!  Quentin Tarantino is a genius!  What do I love most about them?  It’s a sick and twisted love story that you don’t realize is a love story until Volume 2.  Even cold-blooded assassins can love, but expect their love to be as sick and twisted as their jobs require them to be.  The fight scenes are awesome. The dialogue is awesome. The soundtracks are awesome.  And now I own both films on DVD and Blue Ray. Ya baby!!!! 

This is just a brief introduction to my movie geekdom.  I’ll write more movie related posts in the future so stay tuned…

I’ve known Lark for exactly 8 weeks now, her entire life (not to mention the 9 months I knew her inside the womb).  So I think I know her pretty well.  Here is everything I know about Lark thus far:

• She is quite chatty when she’s awake.  When I talk to her, often she talks back.  And sometimes when she’s in her bouncer just hanging out, she’ll experiment with making various sounds.  It’s quite cute.  She’ll be looking around the room and babble like she’s talking to herself.  Sometimes she’ll let out a loud SQUEAK and then a look of shock crawls across her face that seems to say “Dude!  Did that just come out of me?!?!”  She also looks at you like she understands you and knows what she wants to say to respond to you, but the words she wants to use just won’t come out of her mouth. 
• She’s in the very preliminary phases of developing a laugh.  I’ve heard bits and pieces of a laugh, but not yet quite a full laugh.  
• She loves to have her diaper changed.  You put her on her changing table and she’s all smiles.
• She loves music.  Being my daughter, it’d be a very strange thing if she didn’t.  But she so far she’s digging classical music.  Eventually she will be introduced to all things Duran Duran.  On their website you can buy your baby Duran Duran onesies.  I’m so there!  She’s a little too young for Rock Band though.   
• She loves it when I sing to her.  So far, she really likes “Dream A Little Dream of Me”, “California Dreaming”, and “Ordinary World”.  These usually either put her to sleep or calm her down when she’s fussy.  She’s not as keen on anything with a faster tempo quite yet.  I’m trying to get her to like “What’s New Pussycat” since you can point to her lips, nose, and eyes as you sing, but she’s not at an age where she can appreciate it yet.
• The poor dear has gas.  Bad gas.  And it’s not easy to burp her.  Most of the time you have to hold her upright after she eats for at least a half hour or so to help her burp and too keep her food down.  
• She doesn’t fuss much except when she’s really tired and when she has gas.  She normally sleeps well during the day until late afternoon where she’ll stay awake until she’s on the verge of being overtired.  I’m convinced she likes to stay awake for Daddy to come home because when he takes over she gets happy and not soon afterwards, she’ll fall asleep.  Mmm hm.  I’ve got her number.
• She’s inherited Mom’s grumpy face.  She normally has the face if wakened prematurely from a nap… just like Mommy does!
• She’s inherited Dad’s happy disposition in the mornings.  I woke up this morning and Lark was just hanging out in her bassinet, looking around with a very chipper look on her face.  She wasn’t upset at all even though she was definitely hungry.  She’s a happy little camper.
• She’s a stretcher.  She loves to stretch.  She stretches when she wakes up.  She stretches while she’s sleeping.  She’ll stretch after being fed.  I actually think it’s a sign she has reflux, but it’s still cute.
• She’s not sure what to make of our dog Charlie (and for Charlie, the feeling’s mutual).  I think she only really is aware of him when he barks, but other than that she’s not really interested in him – yet.
• A few weeks ago, she stopped using her binky.  She prefers sucking on her left hand.  I got her to use her binky briefly last week after a big crying episode, but since then she won’t take it.  Loves the hand.  She’s all about the hand.
• She hates having anything pulled over her head.  She doesn’t mind hats or bows.  But she hates having shirts or anything else pulled on over her head. They really need to make baby clothes that don’t go over the head.
• She loves the froggie mobile in her crib that plays “Lullaby”.
• When she first came home, she seemed to be more distressed during her dreams where she’d cry while sleeping and make unhappy noises.  I was convinced she was dreaming about being poked and prodded in the NICU.  Now she often smiles when she dreams.  She sometimes still cries while sleeping, so she probably still dreams of being poked and prodded in the NICU and who wouldn’t.
• She likes a little independence.  While she mostly loves being held and carried around, she has her moments where she just wants to sit in either her bouncer or swing and look around and not be bothered.
• She loves to look around at everything.  All babies probably do the same thing where they’re constantly surveying their surroundings.  We recently started carrying her facing outwards sometimes instead of facing towards us when she gets fussy because she’s bored.  She does the “tennis” move where she constantly moves her head from left to right looking at everything in the room.
• She is sleeping through the night and has been for a few weeks now.  She sleeps at least 6 hours every night waking up mainly at 2am to eat and get changed and then she’s awake for the day when Daddy gets up at 6am.
• She loves tummy time on Daddy’s chest, hates tummy time on Mommy’s chest. I’m guessing I’m too lumpy. Plus I imagine it’s weird laying face down on your food source.  It’d be like trying to lay comfortably belly down on your refrigerator.  Weird.
• She is fascinated by the pictures above her changing table which are two frogs, a chick, a turtle, and a dragonfly.
• She’s a natural in front of the camera.  Can we say America’s Next Top Model?  Just kidding Martin Honey!!!
• She is a super genius.  She’s just keeping all of her amazing abilities on the down low – for now.

I absolutely love motherhood, almost everything about it.  I don’t even mind having to continuously clean up after bodily functions.  Who knew I would think my daughter’s poop was actually pleasant smelling (I know, I know – wait until she starts eating solids)? And I’m always glad to see it since it means she’s getting some food in her.  The one thing that is driving me crazy is breastfeeding.  I love it and I hate it.

It doesn’t help that my relationship with breast feeding got off to a rocky start.  Lark was whisked away to the NICU pretty soon after she was born so we didn’t get to establish breastfeeding until the next day which was plenty of time for it to get messed up.  In all of the breastfeeding literature it says “don’t feed the baby formula or from a bottle until breastfeeding is well established.”  Lark had to be given formula since I couldn’t be in the NICU 24/7 – strike one.  It also says “do not give a baby a pacifier until breastfeeding is well established.”  Lark was given a pacifier right away in the NICU because she needed something to help keep her calm – strike two.  And it says “Let the baby feed on demand.”  Again, I wasn’t in the NICU 24/7 – strike three.  But luckily, that didn’t mean I was out, just challenged.  In addition to these obstacles, I was getting mixed messages from nurses and lactation consultants about my milk supply.  Everything I read said that you don’t produce much at first and your milk doesn’t fully come in until days 5 – 7.  I was getting grief on day 2 for my milk not being in by my first lactation consultant and some nurses.  And why would it be in?  Supply is based on demand and without being able to breastfeed on demand, of course the supply wasn’t going to be there.  And I was getting mixed messages about when and how long to breastfeed. Yada yada yada.  

Needless to say, that first week while Lark was in the NICU left me very disheartened about breastfeeding and extremely insecure about whether I’d really be able to do it.  It wasn’t until the NICU doctor and nurses did a sort of “intervention” with us that I felt better.  We were still staying at the hospital for 3 or 4  days past when I was discharged.  We weren’t getting any sleep because we were trying to establish breastfeeding around the clock and we had one night of Lark rooming-in with us where she was just not getting enough milk and not sleeping.  We were stressed out to the max.  The following morning we were invited to the NICU’s daily meeting where they review each patient and we sat in for Lark’s review.  It was here that they pretty much demanded that me and Martin go home and get some sleep.  They also acknowledged that the breastfeeding was messed up because of Lark being in the NICU, but that I was doing all that I could do and they were confident that everything would be fine after she was released and they mentioned an herb that I could take that would help get my milk supply up – fenugreek.  It was also recommended by the Pediatrician.

I took fenugreek for a few weeks and it definitely did the trick.  It was like going from zero to 80 mph in two seconds, which created another problem.  I went from having too little milk to having too much.  Poor little Lark would cough and gag while feeding because the milk was coming so fast.  So I stopped taking fenugreek to see if that would help.  I think it stopped the milk from increasing further, but it didn’t do anything about the milk coming too fast.  So, I consulted the internet who made a few suggestions to help the problem.  But now, Lark is vomiting at least once every day, although sometimes she skips a couple of days here an there.  So the current state of things is that my milk is still coming too fast in my right breast (the left has slowed down) and Lark is vomiting regularly.  

I feel horrible enough when I see my child vomiting – period.  But I feel even worse because what she’s barfing up is a product from me.  I know babies puke and spit up and that’s just how it is, but I can’t help but think that I wouldn’t feel so terrible when it happens if I was feeding her formula.  After talking to the Pediatrician’s nurse, it sounds like Lark may have reflux.  We won’t know until her 2 month appointment next week.  And that’s another fabulous thing – as long as she’s gaining weight and isn’t dehydrated, there’s not much I can do for her other than holding her upright for awhile after feeding.  Sigh.  I often wonder if it’s just me or does breastfeeding go smoothly for anyone?  Or since timing was off in the beginning, was it doomed to be difficult?

Then I think about all of the benefits of breastfeeding.  It improves Lark’s immune system.  It lowers the probability that she’ll have certain diseases.  It will make her a super genius.  I absolutely love the look on her face when she knows she’s about to feed.  It says “Yay, milk!  Yummy!”  It’s priceless.  Now that she can smile, when she’s done feeding it’s fun to just hold her, talk to her, and get her to smile.  Again – priceless.  It’s a wonderful way to bond.  And not everyone can do it, so I am very lucky that even though there have been kinks in the process, at least I have the ability to do it.  For that, I am grateful.  The positives far outweigh the negatives, so I’m sticking with it – come hell or high water.

I hate to admit this, but since I’ve been on maternity leave I watch waaaaay to much TV.  Now, I watched waaaaaay to much TV before, but this is getting ridiculous.  I can actually feel IQ points slipping away (good thing I was a super genius to begin with so I have a few to spare – hardy har har).  I figure there’s a couple of reasons why this has happened: a) I’ve been working full-time since I was 18 and have never in my life had so much time off and I haven’t figured out how to fill in the time and b) I have a beautiful baby who likes to eat too much when she breast feeds so to prevent her from throwing up all of her meals I feed her for shorter periods of time but more often.  As a result, I end up on the couch in front of the tube for most of the day.  The weather hasn’t helped.  We’ve only had two days since Lark was born where the weather was warm enough to take her outside for a walk. Needless to say I’m starting to get a little tiny bit o’ cabin fever.  All work and no play makes Alysia a dull girl.  What’s a girl to do?  Start a blog of course!  So, I thought I’d at least put some of this TV watching to use and provide a little break down of some shows that I watch.  My motto for the day is “I watch the crap so you don’t have to.”    

• Shows to watch to fall asleep to while the Baby Naps - Any news programming from 7am to 10am.  Although I watch Fox13 most of the time to catch the weather, sometimes I do alternate between the national shows like Good Morning America and The Today Show.  I’m couped up in my house and we’re in the middle of the worst recession since the Great Depression and I just had a baby.  The last thing I want to dwell on is the reality of the state of the world.  So I choose to use it as background noise to fall asleep to.  Sometimes I’m lucky and the fashion and cooking segments make it into my dreams.
• Daytime Talk Shows - Holy gravy boat Batman!  There are so many talk shows out there and only so many hours in a day!  So I only watch 3 sometimes 4 or 5.  Oprah & Dr Phil are my standards that I usually don’t miss unless KUTV channel 2 decides it needs to preempt them with college basketball (Puke!) or breaking news like a traffic jam or something.  Oprah is a quality program.  I particularly love her Friday shows this season where she has a panel of guests and they talk about what went down during the week.  Plus she actually provides useful information regularly like shows on aging, managing finances, being healthy, cooking, etc. Dr. Phil is not a quality program.  In fact, I can’t say that I really like Dr. Phil.  I find him self indulgent.  He has this need to involve himself with headlining stories, like the Britney Spears’ meltdown and now his favorite of late is “Octo-Mom.”  Does he really get involved because he thinks he can help, or because it’ll get his name out there and more people will watch his show?  Hmmm… methinks the latter.  And any informational programs he may have, his ulterior motive is to sell either his own books or his friends books.  Yet, I can’t help but watch.  It’s like a train wreck.  He bugs me, yet I must watch.  I’m not sure why.  I must enjoy being bugged.  If I had more hours to watch, Ellen would be on my must see list.  I haven’t seen a show of hers I didn’t enjoy.  I did catch the episode where she had her wife on the show.  They’re an incredibly cute couple.  Moving on… 
• Junk Food For The Brain - God I love Days of Our Lives!  This has been a staple of mine since I was a teen.  Well, there was a period in the 90s where I didn’t watch, but with the invention of DVRs, I rarely miss an episode.  Why oh why you ask?  Because the show doesn’t require a lot of brain power and after a long day of doing financials, office politics, etc. watching a show that I can just have on that doesn’t require any thinking is a beautiful thing.  And if you do happen to miss a month of episodes – never fear – you can pick up right where you were because they will still be in the midst of the same story line.  And it’s amazing how quickly the children age, nearly 5 times the normal rate!  For example, Sammi Brady had twins mid-2008.  These twins are now 3 years old and in preschool.  Wow!  But really, it’s a great show to wind down to from a long day of work. 
• Nighttime Talk Show - The Graham Norton Show on BBC America is by far the funniest talk show I’ve ever seen!  He’s had me laughing so hard, I’ve nearly peed my pants on several occasions!  I’m surprised no one has stolen his format here in the US.  Give it time and someone probably will, but I doubt they’ll be able to do it nearly as well as Graham Norton.  I particularly enjoy the segments where he takes audience members and puts them into embarrassing yet hysterical situations.  For example, on a re-run I saw this past week, one of his guests was Nigella Lawson.  He had a guy from the audience dress up like Nigella and make a dish as Nigella fed him directions.  One of the ingredients was a Swedish delicacy of rancid fish that Graham had shown a YouTube video of someone eating earlier in the show to illustrate how truly disgusting the fish was.  He had the audience member smell the fish, but he wasn’t mean enough to try to get him to eat it.  One of my favorites is on another show, Graham was having a little talent show and there was a guy who looked like an overweight office worker who did a really cool dance to the original James Bond theme.
• Guilty Pleasures - Most of what is on Bravo these days are complete guilty pleasures.  I can’t miss an episode of The Real Housewives of New York.  If you watched the latest episode this week (and if you haven’t, I strongly recommend it.  It has a highly entertaining cat fight), I’m on team Bethany.  Kelly is a complete narcissist who thinks she’s a bigger celebrity than she is. Oh, I could go on and on… Anyway… I love Top Chef, Project Runway (which is moving to Lifetime this summer, aka the “rape and abuse” channel as affectionately titled by my husband Martin – What the f&$* ???), and Millionaire Matchmaker.  But the best guilty pleasure of all, which also happens to be husband cringe inducing… America’s Next Top Model!  Ladies, if you’re wanting some downtime from your hubby… just turn on this gem and they will flee the room faster than you can say Tyra. But what’s not to love?  Fashion, makeup, catty model wannabes, Mr and Miss J… it’s all there, again what’s not to love?  I could have a new guilty pleasure if there are re-runs as I only caught the last two shows of the season:  RuPaul’s Drag Race on VH-1.  I love drag queens and I loved what I saw of RuPaul’s show. It’s a cross between America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway where at the end of the program the two drag queens who did the worst in the challenges have a lip sync-off.  How brilliant is that????  OH!  And I have to include VH1′s Rock Of Love with Bret Michaels.  Poor Bret, three seasons and still can’t find Miss Right.  I was really bummed when he broke up with Amber from last season since she seemed like a very well put together woman who had a brain and used it.  The show’s fun to watch, but I think Bret should find another avenue for finding true love, ‘cuz the women in the final 3 – I don’t see any of them working out.  Perhaps he’ll come to the same conclusion and it’ll be a shocking end to the season.
•  Reality TV - Right now, my favorite Reality TV shows are The Amazing Race, Survivor, and BBC America’s Last Restaurant Standing.  I missed the first few seasons of The Amazing Race, but now I’m hooked.  I think Martin would kick ass on Survivor, but I can’t talk him into trying out for the show.  And I love the premise of Last Restaurant Standing where a top chef, Raymond Blanc, gives several couples a restaurant to open and by giving each couple challenges and evaluating how well their restaurants perform in those challenges, he ultimately decides which business he’s going to keep open and become a business partner with.  I also like that the competitors don’t spend their time beating up or talking smack about the other competitors.  It’s a friendly competition which you don’t see very often anymore.     

Well, that’s all I’m going to say for now.  Believe me, there are many many shows I’m watching that I haven’t mentioned here.  But I only have a month left of maternity leave and thank goodness Lark is starting to become more alert and interactive, so a TV intervention or rehab will not be necessary.